Q and A is your opportunity to ask questions regarding the Bible, church, or just about anything regarding Christian faith and life. Submit questions on the response form in your bulletin or E-mail the Church Office.
What do I do when I try to communicate with my husband but he gets angry?
Q. What do I do when I try to communicate with my husband but he gets angry? I try to share in a loving way with him something that has hurt me or something that is hard for me....but he gets so upset and takes it personally, no matter how lovingly I try to share these truths. So...I don't share and I keep it in and then just feel resentment building. This really affects my ability to have intimacy with him. I feel misunderstood and shut off and a lack of love.
A. It is crucial that a husband and wife have open and honest communication for a fulfilling and intimate relationship. It can be very frustrating and lonely when you feel misunderstood, so it’s important to be aware of what has taken place in your relationship when trying to discuss sensitive issues. For example, if your husband does not feel that you respect him, everything you try to communicate might be filtered through the fact that he feels disrespected by you. So when you bring up the thing that has hurt you or that has offended you, he may see it as just another thing in the long list where he does not measure up and feels hopeless and frustrated. This does not justify any outburst of wrath he may exhibit, but may give you some insight to the context of why he is taking it so personally.
I would first encourage you to take these hurts and offences to the Lord and receive grace to absorb them, and ask Him for insight and discernment in communicating to your husband. It may be important to educate yourself on what it really means to respect your husband and how he receives or feels respected. You may have to sit down with him and ask him. Just as it is challenging and sometimes feels unnatural for men to effectively communicate love to their wives, it is equally challenging for wives to communicate respect to their husbands. You may need to spend some time building him up with encouraging words and the things you really appreciate about him. He needs to know you are on his side by your consistent and continued behavior and positive communication. You feel lack of love and he may feel lack of respect which is just as vital to him as love is to you.
The Scriptures repeat over and over in the New Testament for husbands to love their wives and for wives to respect their husbands. God understands our deepest needs and longings, because He created us. This is not to say the problem is entirely yours, because God has given instruction to your husband to resolve this problem as well, however, this is something you can begin to work on to bring resolution as far as is possible with you. In other words, your husband may be a jerk sometimes (and you have my sympathy) but you can still have a great impact on how these things get resolved by really searching out what respect means to your husband, and trying to obey this biblical principal with all of your heart for the Lord’s glory and honor.
