How to Help Your Children Grow
Sometimes our little boy refuses to say his prayers. What should we do then?
Don't try to force your child to pray. Every night set aside fifteen minutes or half an hour before his bedtime for reading and conversation. Show your child pictures of Jesus, and tell him stories of the Saviour. Talk to him of the Heavenly Father. Explain to him that God sends the sun and the rain. Tell him it is God who makes the flowers grow, and gives us food to eat.
Let your child hear you pray, using simple words he can understand. Say: "I like to thank God for the good things He's given me." Do this for a few days. Then some evening when you've finished praying, ask, "Isn't there something you would like to thank God for?" If your child says only a few words, be content.
There is no better way to encourage a boy or girl to pray. Later you'll want to teach your child to ask God to forgive the mistakes he's made, and to pray for strength to do what is right. But don't be impatient, or try to force your little one. Let him hear you pray. Surround him with love. Tell him of Jesus and the Heavenly Father. And soon he'll want to express his thoughts in prayer.
My wife and I do not agree on the matter of disciplining our children. I maintain that a child needs a firm hand, and a spanking now and then. My wife says that all they need is love and understanding. Who is right?
Both of you are partly right, and both partly wrong. They need both discipline and love. Cold, harsh discipline without love can do irreparable damage to a child. But an insipid love that indulges the child and caters to his every whim, can also do great harm.
There is a great difference in children, too. I have one child who rarely needs to be disciplined. Even if I spoke to her reprovingly, her heart would be broken. I have another who responds to punitive discipline, and pays little attention to the "soft reproof." I think it is hard to lay down any hard and fast rules because children vary so much. The Bible teaches that discipline should be used when required. But it suggests that discipline and love must go hand in hand. It says: "For whom the Lord loveth he correcteth; even as a father the son in whom he delighteth."
The lack of the right kind of discipline may indicate a lack of love. It is much easier on the nerves to just let children go, than to plan and execute the kind of discipline they need. But greater than discipline is the power of a good example. Children are more impressed by conduct they can see than by lectures and spankings. If parents would live the Christian life before them, it would have a tremendous influence upon their children.
My wife and I have no church home. Now that we are parents we would like to have our child christened but do not know where to go. Can you give us some help?
You have a more serious problem than to find a place where you can have your child christened. At the same time, it is gratifying to know that you do have some spiritual concern, for such concern is at least hopeful. The Bible says: "Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it." Your responsibility is to find the full truth of the Gospel and to accept its provisions and conditions for yourselves. Only when you have made a complete commitment of your lives to Christ and familiarized yourselves with the message of the Bible can you do for your child what needs to be done. Find a church home where the Bible is preached and where Christ is exalted. Receive the Saviour for yourselves and then you will be in a position to provide the religious and spiritual home and background your child needs to grow spiritually as well as physically and intellectually.
My wife and I are wondering if it would not be better to keep our children away from Sunday school and church until they want to go? We do not wish to prejudice them in any way, but feel that they should make their own decisions.
I suppose you will keep them from public school also, lest their individuality be somehow distorted and their freedom restricted. Do you not realize that only those who are fully informed are really free to make wise decisions. The intention of a good Sunday school is to present to young people the basic truth of the Christian faith. A parent is responsible for the training of children and for affording them the best education available. Our whole concept of government rests upon the basic principle that people should be informed. We teach our youth the principles of democracy and the American Constitution so that they can vote intelligently. Why do you hesitate giving them a good basic teaching of the Christian faith, so that they can make a wise and enlightened choice. Someday God will hold you accountable for the religious training you either gave or denied your children. Give them the best you can, and above all, tell them the story of Christ and His love.
My husband and I have just become parents of a baby girl. Until now we have never thought of religion, and we would appreciate your help on how to begin.
The first realization of responsibility often makes us realize how much we need Divine assistance and guidance. Your coming to be parents makes you sense your responsibility to another soul. You must give her direction and instruction until she can make her own decisions. I would suggest that you first secure a Bible and begin systematic, thoughtful reading together. Begin with the Gospel of John. As you come to any particular Scripture that calls for any decision or action, accept it and act upon it. Questions of a critical nature can wait. As an example, when you read John 1:12, it says that "As many as received him, to them gave He the right to become children of God." Ask yourselves: "Have we received Christ, and do we have the right to become children of God?" Continue that way, of life through a personal faith. Above all, obey God's word and always settle each question as you come to it. Problems you can't understand will soon have their solution as you progress in your prayerful search for the truth.
In the school where my children attend, there has been much dishonesty and even some immorality. I don't like to have my children associate with such people, but cannot afford to send them to a private school. Are there any steps I can take to protect my children?
There is a danger of protecting our children too much. That is, we can withdraw them from society as it is until they come to have a pharisaic attitude. We must face the real situation. These dishonest and immoral children are a normal cross section of humanity and your children will always have to live in contact with them. The wise course of action is to give them the spiritual and moral training and example at home that will equip them for working and doing business with such people. They will be more likely to develop strong spiritual powers through opposition than through living in a situation where they never need to make decisions. The important thing is to give them the grounding they need in the Scriptures, let them see sin in its real light, and show them that with Christ as Saviour and as their guide, they can face opposition and win. Their small victories will prepare them for the larger battles ahead.
My husband and I adopted a child a few years ago. We decided never to tell him about it, but to let him feel that he was our own son. Now at the age of almost fourteen, he hears from another source that he is adopted. He has not mentioned this to either of us, but is very cool to us, even though we have sacrificed so much to make him happy. How can we make right this error in our dealings with him?
It will do little good now to say that such things had better be discussed openly. It would be much better if you had explained the matter to him long ago. It is no justification for his coolness, though, and I believe that he will understand a clear explanation. Any young man who has been given a fine home and cared for through his early years will know that what you have done has been done in love and generosity. There is only one thing you can do. Have a heart to heart talk with him, acknowledge your error, and tell him why you tried to make him feel that he was your own son. Assure him that your early love for him is just the same, and that all you desire from him is that he love you as foster parents and accept your care and kindness in the spirit in which you have given it through the years. It is the element of secrecy that is disturbing him now. Remove that and I am confident he will be very understanding. Make it clear that all that you have done has been in the name of Christ and for His honor.
I am writing for my husband and myself. We have a son who is unruly and undisciplined. We have tried to show him how much his disobedience hurts us and have tried to reason with him, but in vain.
Although he is just a young teen-ager, we are afraid he is out of control. In our desperation, is there anything we have failed to do for him, or is there anything we can do to save him?
God may do for you what you have already failed to do for your boy. Discipline and the recognition of authority can seldom be taught when a child reaches his teens. Discipline and control begins at the cradle, just as your training in other matters begins there. It is no kindness to a child to permit him to have his own way in infancy and young childhood. He will pay for such liberties later and will cause you much sorrow.
Perhaps the problem now is a spiritual one. Perhaps the only place you can take the matter is to the Lord. God is patient and able when we call upon him. I would say that you should first settle any spiritual problem you may have of your own. Take Christ as Saviour and Lord and give His word free course in your lives. Then ask God to somehow use your consecration to Him to influence your son for Christ. I am confident that although every other means may fail, if God touches the heart of your son, he will still grow to be a respected citizen and a loving and appreciative son.
Many modern child psychologists disapprove of spanking a child. What do you think?
I believe the real question lies in the effectiveness of the punishment rather than the method. Each child differs in temperament, and a patient, observant parent will watch carefully to note what is the most effective way to handle each child. Punishment is the negative part of discipline. While very necessary, we should also be careful to emphasize the positive angle. Keep children happily occupied. The Bible says: "A child kept to himself, bringeth his mother to shame." Keep children happily, wholesomely occupied and they will usually stay out of trouble.
We live in a crowded section of Brooklyn. My wife worries all the time for fear our two boys will join a gang. I'd like to move, but can't afford to. What do you think we should do?
If you and your wife are sincere Christians, and have led the boys to a personal faith in Jesus Christ, you don't need to worry about them. Ninety per cent of juvenile delinquency can be traced to careless homes. The Bible says: "Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it" (Proverbs 22:6).
I appreciate your wife's desire to move to a better neighborhood. Do that, if you can. But remember that some juvenile delinquents grow up in mansions, with servants to wait on them. It isn't a high ceiling, or beautiful furniture, or air conditioning that makes a fine home. What counts is the character of the parents, and the example they set their children. Let your discipline be governed by love. Be absolutely honest. The boys will know if you try to cheat the corner store, or the government.
See that the boys are kept busy, and given responsibility. This should begin when a child is three or four, and increase with each year of growth. Young people who gain satisfaction from their accomplishments seldom get into trouble.
As it has been said: Don't send your boys to Sunday school; take them. Go to church as a family, and bring your religion home with you. Invite Christ into your house. Speak and act as you would in His presence. Read the Bible and pray together every day. Establish a Christian home, and you can be sure your boys will seek good companions.
Our home isn't the same since we bought a TV set. The children leave the table before they've finished eating. My husband cares more about the programs than about me. What can I do?
You didn't say how long you've had your TV set. If only for a few weeks, I'm sure it will not always have the drawing power it does now. But in the meantime, good manners and consideration for others must not be forgotten. The Bible says: "Better is a dry morsel, and quietness therewith, than a house full of sacrifices with strife" (Proverbs 17:1).
If you once had a Christian home, where love and peace were found, surely your husband and children are missing it. Sit down as a family and discuss not only the use of TV, but rules you must follow to maintain an orderly, happy home. Let the children know what is expected of them. Don't indulge them today, and then scold tomorrow. However, sometimes it may be wise to change the dinner hour to let the children see a good program. Talk this over as a family. Decide, with God's help, what is best for all. Then stick to it.
This will be easier if you begin the day with God. Family devotions are as important as breakfast. Read the Bible and pray together. Ask God for guidance, and He will show you how to use all the good things He has given you. TV, like the family car, can be a disrupting force; for it can bring the members of your family closer together as you share the best it has to offer.
My ten-year-old son wants to spend all of his spare time playing ball. How can I keep him from wasting his time?
It is possible that he is not wasting his time as much as you think. Young people need the recreation and stimulation to be found in wholesome games. They have much excess energy and playing ball means much to young folks. This does not mean that he should be permitted to neglect home duties. These should be assigned to him and he should be required to carry them out. But, do not make his work a punishment: make it a share of the responsibilities all participate in. Then, let him understand that you want him to have a good time and I know of no better way than playing ball. It might be a good thing for you to go along some afternoon and watch the game. It means much to our children if they find we are interested in their sports and in their friends. Learn about the game so you can appreciate the plays. This will give him a feeling of your interest and that in turn will make him happy to tell you about his other experiences and friendships. Above all else let your boy know that you love him and are interested in what he is doing. His spiritual welfare must come first and if you prove to him your understanding in his boyish interests you have a stronger bond to help him in spiritual matters.
I hear you speak of family devotions. Is a family altar really practical in this streamlined age?
Family devotions are not only practical, they are essential in the well-adjusted home. I list below seven reasons why I consider family worship important:
1. It unifies the homelife, and puts faith in the place of friction.2. It brings to the family group a sense of God's presence.
3. It shows the children that God is relevant to everyday living, and not just a Being to be worshiped on Sunday.
4. It gives members of the family an opportunity for self-examination and confession of sin.
5. It strengthens the members of the household for the tasks and responsibilities they are to face during the day.
6. It insulates us against the hurts and misunderstandings which come our way.
7. It supplements the work of the church, and makes of our homes a sanctuary where Christ is honored.
"And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children; and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house . . ." (Deuteronomy 6:7).
Recently our young son has become very argumentative over everything that concerns our religious faith. We have always taught him the truth and until recently he accepted it. How have we failed that he should now question all he formerly believed?
All of the arguments your young son is putting forth against your religious faith does not mean that he has no longer any faith. He is right now at that age when he must base all of his convictions upon something other than what his parents believed. It is a most normal thing for teen-agers to question established beliefs. You will find that down in his heart, he really wants to have that faith confirmed, and he hopes you will do it for him. He wants to know why you have believed the Bible and how you first trusted Christ. You would have much more reason for concern if he became completely indifferent or passive. He wants to believe, but he must have faith for himself, and not one that is just handed down. From you, he needs understanding and a good reason. The Bible says: "But sanctify in your hearts Christ Jesus as Lord: and be ready always to give an answer to every man that asketh you a reason for the hope that is within you yet with meekness and fear" (1 Peter 3:15).
I am a Christian leader in my community. Recently I was embarrassed to find that my youngest son has been stealing. I have four other children, all of them examples of Christian training. Why doesn't this one follow in their steps? How can I save face in such a problem?
It is too bad you are only concerned about how the thing looks and how it reflects upon you. Your concern now should be for the boy. Most likely, the pride you have taken in your older children is one of the reasons why the youngest is now your problem.
God has given the children to us as a trust, and often our usefulness is related to our concern for their spiritual welfare. The Bible says: "For I have known him to the end that he may command his children and his household after him, that they may keep the way of the Lord, to do righteousness and justice" (Genesis 18:19). There are two possible reasons for this deviation. Perhaps you have neglected this boy, seeing that the others have done so well, or you have made him resentful because of your frequent comparisons between him and the other children. Take time with the boy,
and praying God's help, you may direct him into a right relationship with God and society as well. Let your concern be for his spiritual welfare rather than your professional standing.
My sister and her husband are wonderful Christians. They are kind and loving in the home, and yet one of their daughters completely rebels against the Bible, the church, etc. Explain this.
This is not at all unusual. In the Christian ethic, no one is forced to follow Christ. The Bible says: "Whosoever will may come." Christianity is an involvement of the will, and no one can be coerced into becoming a Christian.
I have observed a number of rebellious children from Christian homes, but this is usually just a stage in the child's development. It is often a sign of strong character in the child. Some children take things for granted, and others will not accept Truth until they have examined it carefully. In the end, these types make the best Christians.
The Bible says: "Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old [mature] he will not depart from it." We don't want our children to be rubber stamps of what we believe, just to please us. We want their faith to be deep-rooted and strong. Don't be discouraged if there is temporary revolt against Christ and His claims upon life. When they are mature, they will "not depart" from what is True and right. Some of the strongest Christians I know (including my wife) are people who were slow to accept the Truth of Christ in their late teens.
You keep insisting that we parents take our children to Sunday school. It seems to me that this is taking advantage of our authority and forcing them to accept a certain religious view. Don't you think it's better to let them come to their own conclusions, and not force them?
According to the Bible, we all have a sinful nature (Psalm 51). If this nature is allowed to express itself, a person will invariably turn to sin and wickedness. By your failure to direct your children, you are not allowing them to make any choice but leaving them in spiritual ignorance. Certainly this is not the proper function of a parent.
As a parent you have the responsibility of directing your children in the ways of the Lord. The Bible says, "Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old, he will not depart from it." This also means that you must make sure that you know the way so that you can direct your children. Should you fail here, you will be like the blind leading the blind.
How responsible are parents for the conduct of their children? My husband and I are concerned as our son is rather a bad boy.
Apart from religious influence, the family is the most important unit of society. It would be well if every home were Christian, but we know that it is not so. The family and the home can never exert their proper influence while ignoring the Biblical standard. The Bible calls for discipline and a recognition of authority. If children do not learn this at home, they will go out into society without the proper attitude toward authority and law. There is always the exceptional child, but the average tells us that the child is largely what the home has made him. The prophet Eli was judged by the Lord because he had put his sons above Jehovah (I Samuel 2:29). The only way to provide the right home for your children is to put the Lord above them, and fully instruct them in the ways of the Lord. You are responsible before God for the home you provide for them.
My wife and I both work, she on a day shift and I at night. Our children are getting out of hand and we want to make a real home. How can we do it?
I do not believe you can have a normal home life under the conditions which you have described. First of all, a husband and wife need the companionship, one of the other. Working on different shifts as you are, this would be very difficult. Also, under this arrangement your children must have a sense of insecurity which could do them permanent harm. While jobs are important, your home is also vitally important and you alone are responsible for your children. You brought them into the world and it is your obligation to give them the best home possible. It is not things in the house which make it a home. Rather it is love and companionship and laughter and sympathy and interest in each other's lives and problems. Not knowing what kind of work you are doing, I can only suggest that your wife stay at home and make a real home and you take a job working in the daytime, so your evenings can be spent together. This will mean a smaller income but what profit is it to make more money, have your children unhappy and probably harmed, and even have your home go on the rocks? Most important of all, make your home a Christian home by asking Christ to live in your hearts and direct your lives. Have family worship by reading the Bible and praying together. If you do this, you may have less in this world but you will be laying the right foundation for eternity.
