What Every Teen-ager Should Know
Because I have grown up in a Christian home, I hate to ask my parents this question. Many things that have happened in high school have made me wonder about God. How do I know there is a God? My parents would be hurt if I asked them, but can you help me?
Until recently you have believed in God because your parents and your pastor believe in God. But don't be too disturbed about your doubts. There is a good reason for them. Every high school boy or girl goes through the stage of doubting many things. I am sure you doubt other things you have formerly believed, but your lack of assurance about God disturbs you.
What you are doing is this, you are beginning to think for yourself. You no longer accept matters of truth on the basis of your parents' say-so. You want reasons for everything. Faith has its reasons also. You can believe in God just like the scientist believes in relativity or atoms. He cannot see either of them, but they are the only explanation for the world as it is. Therefore he goes about his work, assuming their truth and reality.
God is the only answer to the problem of existence, of conscience and of many other things. The Bible says: "He that cometh unto God must believe that He is, and that He is the rewarder of them that seek after Him." On the basis of faith, go to God and your search will be richly rewarded.
My boy friend and I want to be engaged very soon but both of our parents object. Though we are quite young, we are serious but don't intend to get married for at least three years. Should we insist on doing it our way?
Perhaps your parents are objecting on the basis of your age alone. Perhaps they feel you mature enough to make this all-important decision, but just not yet. There seems to be only one reason why you insist on an engagement, because you are afraid that one or the other might feel too free otherwise. I would warn you that if you cannot trust each other under the present conditions you are perhaps not genuinely in love. Then you must always take into account your mutual relationship to Christ. You must not hope for a completely successful marriage if it is done on your own. I would suggest therefore, that you follow the suggestion of your parents. All they object to is the formality of engagement, and that is not the most important part of it. Your mutual commitment of your lives to Christ is all you need in and addition to your love for each other will make your present friendship become even more meaningful in years to come.
Is it wrong to pet?
This question, because of its delicacy, has been evaded by some columnists. You have asked a sincere question, and I'm going to give you my sincere answer.
Petting, which is a popular name for promiscuous lovemaking between the sexes can be very injurious to the person, to the conscience and to the personality, and therefore can be very wrong.
Generally, it is a yielding to the lower impulses, and paves the way for looseness and even immorality. On the surface, it may often seem innocent and harmless. It has been argued that it is natural, and hence justified. But I am not alone in believing that it can bring great harm to the persons involved, if engaged in indiscriminately.
Let's face it, petting is the physical preliminary to more intimate relationships. Therefore, if the persons involved have no moral right to cohabit, they should forego the preliminaries — petting. If engaged in promiscuously it can leave the parties involved frustrated, conscience stricken, and can leave scars on the nervous system and personality.
Happy is the person who marries a mate who has not been pawed over. If intimate lovemaking was deferred until late engagement or marriage, there would not be so many unhappy marriages. Don't play fast and loose with your emotions and passions. Let them be under the control of Christ, and your life will be fuller and richer.
How far should a young girl go in showing affection for a fellow in order to keep him from running to other girls? I like this fellow real well, but he makes unreasonable demands in necking.
You had better first decide why you show affection to this young man or any other. If the only function of such a display of human affection is to keep him from running out with other girls, you had better let him go. Some physical contact with a young man may seem to be a natural thing to do, but it is also a preliminary to the more serious sex acts of immorality. That is why a young woman had better think twice before she gives herself to any young man. Your aim is not to achieve popularity by going as far as the young man desires, but to reserve your display of affection for the young man who will be your husband. Know the difference between the showing of true affection and the giving vent to animal passion, the difference between lust and love. Those who fail to make this distinction are those who are soon in trouble and who have a lifetime to regret their folly.
I am a teen-ager and my parents treat me like a little child. I have adult responsibilities, but kindergarten privileges. I am perfectly miserable. Can you help me?
Growing up is hard, but remember that in any kind of growth there are "growing pains." Keep in mind that this period in your development is also difficult for your parents. It is not easy for them to realize that their child is becoming an adult, and they must make an adjustment as well as you.
It is my observation of some teen-agers that they want adult privileges but assume kindergarten responsibilities. Here is where the conflict usually comes between maturing children and their parents.
The main thing to watch out for is bitterness during this stage. Don't let the unpleasant events of these difficult years leave any scars that will hamper your future happiness, and make a breach between you and your parents. I strongly urge all teen-agers to accept Christ as their Lord and Saviour. Then when problems arise, we can say: "I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me." The happiest young people I know are those who have discovered the thrill of living for Him. When we are "reconciled to God," it usually follows that we are in harmony with others.
Almost all of my family and acquaintances are Christians. They keep telling me to read the Bible and find out how to live the Christian life. Honestly, I get bored when I sit down to read it and when I try to pray I keep thinking of a thousand other things. Is there something wrong with me?
I don't think there is anything wrong with you that is not typical of most young people. Having grown up in a religious atmosphere, you are right now passing through a period of revolt. You want to be on your own and make your own decisions without their influence.
There is another fact you should know. One of the Devil's methods is to attack everyone, old and young, in this matter. He knows that the Word of God is powerful, and he will try to keep you from it. That means you are involved in a spiritual warfare.
If you would stop for a moment and think as a mature person, you would realize that your parents are trying to get you to do what is for your good. Don't rebel, but give God the opportunity to change your life and help you over the problems of youth, for they are many. Solomon once said: "Remember now thy creator in the days of thy youth," and this is what you should do to find the greatest joy.
As a group of young people, we are inclined to believe what you have been preaching. However, we want to have fun before we give our lives to the Lord. Don't you think it would be better for us to get this out of our system before we begin going to church?
Either you are making a very foolish decision or else you do not understand what the Christian faith is. The Bible says: "In thy presence is fullness of joy and on thy right hand are pleasures forever more." There is no life that presents a greater challenge or a greater thrill than living the Christian life. The Christian faith and life is as pertinent for the young person as it is for the old. Any person who has ever tried what you suggest has said what Solomon did (Ecclesiastes 12:1), "Remember now thy creator in the days of thy youth."
I strongly urge you to give your life to Christ now while they Holy Spirit is speaking to you. To postpone such a decision could prove disastrous. There is danger that while sowing your wild oats, you may also harden your heart.
Life in our small town is very dull. Any activity we try to get up is regarded as wild by the older people, and they say it isn't Christian. We kids get bored. Do you think that having a good time is wrong?
One of the reasons that young people are bored is that there is not enough activity to consume their energy. If you are a normal young person, you want to give yourself to something and spend your energy on it. Many old people forget that they once were young, and that is why they fail to understand your activity.
No one is bored who is creative. Only those who want to have everything done for them are bored. Therefore, plan some creative activity that will challenge the other young people. There are many wholesome games of competition that are enjoyable and clean.
No, having a good time is not wrong. It is when we abuse and misuse what God has given us that it becomes evil. The Bible says that "He giveth us richly all things to enjoy" (I Timothy 6:17). These gifts of God are for our use. To make sure what are the true gifts of God, apply the Scripture to all activity which says, "Whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honorable, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report," these are the things the Christian should accept and enjoy to the glory of God.
I am an eighteen-year-old girl, a freshman in college. I have fallen in love with a senior who wants me to marry him now although he has not yet made up his mind what his life's work shall be. Should I give up my own college career for him?
The very fact that you are weighing your own career against the uncertainties of marriage makes me feel that you are not yet ready to make this momentous decision. Obviously you have known this young man for only a few months. Also, his own future plans are so indefinite that they give you pause. This all adds up to a strong indication that you should wait. Waiting has two advantages. It will enable you to know your own heart and to decide whether it is love or other considerations which have attracted you two. Also, it will give both of you time to mature in your thinking and your planning. Finally, a Christian has the right and privilege of asking God's guidance in everything. Let me suggest that you put your trust in Christ as Saviour and Lord, then, as a child of God just ask Him to give you the leading of His Spirit. When you do this you may rest assured that the future is in His hands, not your own.
My mother and father are very ambitious for me to go to college, but really I am much more interested in learning a trade. I have a lot of tools and like to work in wood. Believe it or not, I would like to be a carpenter.
From your question I assume you are now in high school and facing the decision about your life work. At the moment you do not have all the facts you need to make an intelligent decision. You should respect your parents' wishes and seek to please them, yet at the same time, the life you will live will have to be your own. Your high school principal or counselor can recommend vocational aptitude tests for you, which while not completely conclusive, can be very helpful to you in making a wise decision. If you are more adept at working with your hands than studying in the library, very possibly you should become a carpenter. No trade can be more honorable, and if I were you, I would prepare to be the best carpenter possible so that you may build for strength and for beauty. The job well done will be your deepest satisfaction. If you are a Christian make it a matter of definite prayer and God will direct you. If you are not a Christian, I would advise you committing your life to Christ at the earliest moment. Nothing can be sure in life until this matter is settled.
I am a student in a university, and was reared in a Christian home. I was shocked to find out that many students live for sex, and seem to have no moral restraints. I feel somewhat like a "fish out of water." Should I try to make an adjustment to this way of life?
Some young people still believe that they must "sow their wild oats." What they forget is that "Whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap."
By all means, don't conform to those who have been overwhelmed by the tide of immorality which is sweeping our country! Professor Sorokin of Harvard says that America is a victim of a sex revolution that could ruin our nation. What will our future be if young people like you, with ideals and convictions, yield to the pressures to be immoral?
Many marital breakdowns can be traced to the loose morals of college years. "Wild oats" have a way of hounding people throughout the years, and springing up at the most embarrassing moments.
While there are some who laugh at a person with standards and ideals, most people will admire you. Our nation grew strong in an era when moral standards were emphasized, and it will grow weak when we condone that which we once condemned. Help stem the tide of adultery, divorce, and obscenity in America by standing true to your convictions. You are the kind of young person we most need in America.
I am a Christian student in a secular high school. In one of my classes, it is known that in order to get a good grade I will have to cheat on exams. Everyone else does it, and I wonder if it would be wrong for me to do so? I think that even the teacher knows that it is done but doesn't pay attention to it.
The conscientious Christian is always compelled to make decisions regarding morals and ethics. Often it seems almost right to be dishonest, especially when it is the general practice. It is in just such a situation, however, that the genuine virtue of the Christian is best seen. Our faith is never tested in an easy situation, but in the hard one. No matter what is at stake, you will still have your own conscience to reckon with, and you could never be at peace with God nor respect yourself if you in such a matter were dishonest.
You said that "everyone else does it." I think you are failing to recognize the many fine Christians who serve the Lord constantly in schools and shops all over the nation. Perhaps you have failed to contact them and observe their lives. Do not yield to the subtle temptations that present themselves, but live for Christ in every situation. After all, you must first please Him, and then other things will fall in line in due time.
Since coming to the university, I find that unless I join a sorority I am just left out of the social life here. Still I can't approve the program sponsored by those I know about. Is compromise the only answer in this world, or do I have to be on the outside?
Many times the Christian feels at odds with the world, and if we are to depend upon the words of the Saviour, it will continue to be that way. Jesus once said: "Behold, I send you forth as sheep among wolves." Although it may not appear that unconverted people are fitting that description, yet it certainly shows that there is no good way to effect a reconciliation unless they are reconciled to God first. In answer to your question about compromise, it will have to be said that when you do, only you are the loser. The very ones whose social pressure caused you to compromise will despise you for it. They respect your convictions and many of them wish they had the moral stamina to stand alone. May the Lord give you added courage to be a witness for Him, even in a hard place.
Don't be a prude, or be snobbish, but let your life "glow" for Christ. We are lamps shining in the darkness. Be attractive and winsome, but do not compromise your convictions for the sake of popularity.
How can I be a Christian and not be accused of being peculiar by the other kids in high school?
If you will keep the two things clearly separated you will find your problem so much easier. Being a Christian is the important thing and it involves a commitment of your life to Him as Saviour and Lord. What happens after that is of minor importance for none of us is injured by what people think about us. To be a true Christian means that we live by the ideals Christ would give us as the pattern for our lives. This means an attitude to and a way of daily living that must be distinct from the world and those who do not know Christ. While some will think you "peculiar," do not let this disturb you for just as many others will secretly admire you for your stand.
But be sure that you do not assume a sanctimonious attitude to others, or an attitude that you are better than others. Always remember that a Christian is only a sinner saved by grace and that we have no possible cause of boasting or of pride. It is very possible that you will be persecuted by jokes and be misunderstood by some. If you accept this with patience and in a spirit of love, God can use this very thing to help you win some of your friends. Try at all times to show the joy and happiness in your life which a Christian should have. Actually, we are the only people in the world who have a right to be happy for we know where we are now, who is our Saviour, and where we are going. Pray for your friends and love them. God will bless and use you to win them.
I am eighteen years of age, am desperately in love, but my parents don't want me to get married because they say it is too early to know my own mind. They want me to finish my education, but I think love is greater than knowledge. What do you advise?
I have no doubt that you are in love, for love comes to the young as well as the mature. But I think your parents have a point and I think you should pray over this decision which can make or break your life.
The young person who takes a dim view of education is really curtailing his future earning power, and while I have heard of people saying they could live on love, I know of no documented record of anyone ever having done it.
What's wrong with going on to school and staying in love? True love can be a real stimulus to study and a moral balance wheel. After all, it has been the inspiration of some of our great literature, art, and music.
But you must remember that there are two kinds of love. First, there is physical magnetism which is the natural attraction of two people of the opposite sex. Then, there is true love which has a spiritual basis. If your love is genuine, it can wait awhile. The Bible says: "Love suffereth long and is kind . . . seeketh not her own." Above all, make sure that you have the mind and will of Christ. Then your decision will be the proper one.
I'm all mixed up and I know it. I am a senior in high school and run with a gang. We have tried everything — and I mean everything — and I know I am going to hell. My mother was a Christian but she is dead and my father is busy and away most of the time. I don't want to live like this and I am afraid to die like this but I feel like I am chained to the devil. What can I do?
Your address is not clear and I cannot write you a personal letter. You have reached the place where you know you are a sinner, are sorry you are a sinner and want help. Strange as it may sound you are on good ground because Christ wants to help and save you but He cannot help the self-sufficient and proud. You feel like you are chained to the devil, but Christ is stronger than the devil, and will release you from his power. Please do just as I say: get in some quiet place and kneel down and tell Jesus all about your troubles. Tell Him about those things you have been doing with the gang — all of them. Tell Him you are sorry but that you keep on doing them. Ask Him to forgive you and to come and live in your heart and give you the power to overcome the temptations you face every day. Then, thank Him for hearing you and being your Saviour and from right then talk to Him any time during the day or night. The question will soon come as to whether you should commit some sin. Stop right then and ask Him to help you. Ask Him whether the place you are going is a place He can go with you. Ask Him if the thing you are planning to do is something He will be with you while you are doing it. Get a Bible right away and start reading it. I would suggest that you take the Gospel of John, in the New Testament, and read it straight through. Then read it again. Then read it again. Ask God to speak to you through the Bible and ask His help to do what it tells you to do. Also, turn to the Old Testament and start reading the Book of Proverbs, one chapter each day. Do this for many months.
If you will do this I can promise you your heart will be filled with joy and peace.
My parents have forbidden me to go out with a certain boy. He isn't a bad boy, but very popular in our school. They are objecting to his religion which is different from ours. I don't intend to marry him, but just like the fun of having someone to go with. Shall I defy them and go with him, seeing they are just narrow?
Your parents may seem narrow by present-day standards, but they are far more aware of the subtle dangers of infatuation than you may be. They have observed the many failures that have followed such matches that didn't seem to begin as a serious affair at all. Human emotions are strong, and they sometimes blur our judgment and make it difficult, if not impossible, to make sound judgments.
After you have made allowances for their narrowness, as you call it, and after you have weighed the possibilities, I think you will recognize the wisdom of their directions. Above all, don't defy them. You are still dearly beloved by them, and there is only one chance in a thousand that they are deliberately trying to limit your happiness or impair your chances for future joys. When the Lord gave the Ten Commandments, He told children, "Obey your parents." God who both knows and cares has not ruled this arbitrarily.
My mother died a few years ago, and since then I have kept the home for my father. I want to go on to college and be on my own, but it means breaking up the home. Do I have a Christian responsibility to stay with my father, or should I make the break now?
Not knowing all the elements involved in your decision, I'm afraid I can't give a clear answer. However, you are not bound to maintain a home for your father as a Christian responsibility. Many times people take unfair advantage and this appears to be such a case.
On the other hand, before you leave, you should be certain your father understands and has adequate care. You see, the Christian child has a double responsibility to give honor and respect to the parents. At the same time, the Bible does teach that some of the outstanding examples of Godliness were those who cared for parents in a special way such as Ruth cared for Naomi and was blessed for it. Urge your father to consider with you Ephesians 6:1 and together find God's will. Then you will both find happiness.
I am a teen-ager, and if you know anything about teen-agers you know that we are what many people think of us — mixed-up kids. My problem is that my mind is always full of evil thoughts. Even though I am somewhat active in church and believe like you do concerning Jesus Christ, yet I don't seem to be able to overcome this one great problem.
It is not necessarily true that all teen-agers are "mixed-up kids," even though some of them are. In fact, some adults are still mixed up. The problem you have, however, is one that is shared by many other people, both young and old; and we must turn to the Bible itself to get the answer to this problem. The answer is given in Philippians 4:4-8.
There are several things here that the Christian is told to do. First, we are to rejoice. To do that, you need only to think of the great things God has done for you. Second, we are told not to be anxious, but in our prayers to make our requests known to God. In your biggest problems, you have One that you can go to; and before Him you can pour out your heart with the assurance that He will not leave you without an answer to that great problem.
Finally, we are to fill our minds with those things that are good. They are mentioned in the Scriptures as being things that are true, honorable, just, pure, lovely, of good report, and of virtue. It is upon these things that we are to think. You can only do this if you follow the admonition found in Colossians 3:16 where the Word of God says: "Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom, teaching and admonishing one another in Psalms and hymns and spiritual songs; singing with grace in your hearts unto God." The answer to your question, then, is to live positively, not negatively. Once you learn that secret, God will have given you the victory.
In our high school class are a bunch of really swell kids, and I'd like to run with them. But the only ones who ever ask me to go out are the crumbs. What can I do to get into the other group I like so much?
From your letter, it seems that because you didn't get started with the right group, you did accept the friendship of the other. When you did that you made the mistake you will find hard to correct. Now the really good kids think you have chosen the other crowd to run with them.
Life is full of those situations where you have to make a complete break with the past and start all over again. You have one thing in your favor, you are young, and it's much easier than when you are grown. Even if the high school crowd won't let you change friends, you have your life before you. You are learning many things now, and it would be wise to learn this lesson also.
The greatest and most important change you could make would be to decide for Jesus Christ. By doing so you would close the door on your past and make a new beginning. Then you might not belong to either the socially top group or the leftovers. You would discover a new circle of friends, because you have found the best friend anyone can have, the Lord Jesus Christ.
I know a boy in his early twenties who says he doesn't believe in heaven or hell, and says the Bible is a fairy tale. He is real sweet, and was raised in a Christian home but still thinks this way. How can I change his way of thinking?
It is not too unusual for persons in their early twenties to defect from their early teaching. The reasons are many. Perhaps his exposure to unbelief "took" better than his exposure to belief. This is often the case, for the Bible says: "The heart of man is deceitful above all things." The human heart is as prepared by sin to accept unbelief as faith. Some person he regards very highly has undoubtedly influenced his thinking, and for the time being he looks on his early training as "bunk." As someone once said, "A little learning may take a man away from God, but full understanding will bring him back." Some of the staunchest Christians I know are people who had periods in their life when they questioned the Bible, Christ, and God. But as they continued to examine the matter, there was overwhelming evidence that "only the fool hath said in his heart, there is no God."
How can you change his way of thinking? This will have to be the work of God. You can pray for him, and reason with him, but don't argue. What you are will be much more convincing than what you say.
Lately I have dated a boy, but I have a funny feeling about him. I just broke a date for next Saturday night, for I have a fear of the crowd he runs with. Was I right in doing this?
I am happy to hear from a girl who will listen to the voice of intuition and conscience. It is one of woman's greatest gifts, and I wish that more of them would exercise it, rather than yield to their emotions.
It is sometimes better to break your date than to ruin your life. I imagine some of those New York girls who were with the boys who murdered their rivals recently wish they had listened to their consciences and stayed home. They are in serious trouble.
There are enough fine, wholesome young men to date. I don't think any girl should date anyone she is afraid of. When a boy shows tendencies to be tough and violent, he should be avoided like a person who has the plague. It is sad that many boys who are beset with feelings of inferiority think they must impress the opposite sex by brandishing knives, or other deadly weapons.
It has always taken more courage to be good than to be bad. And I admire your good judgment in breaking a date with a boy who shows tendencies of violence. If all girls would do this, perhaps boys would learn to stand on their own two feet, rather than lean on the mass strength of a "gang."
I am a high school boy and though I am a Christian, I feel left out when I don't go with the gang. They do things that I don't think are right, but somehow I don't have the courage to go on my own. Is there something wrong with my Christian life and experience?
Everyone feels the need of belonging, and there is nothing morally wrong in wanting to be accepted by your classmates. But you say the "gang" does things that you don't think are right, and that puts the picture in a different frame. Many a youth is behind prison bars today simply because he didn't want to be called "chicken." And every boy who considers acceptances by the "gang" more important than his inner sense of right and wrong is headed for trouble.
As a Christian, which you say you are, you must remember that it is better to associate yourself with a good little gang than a big, bad one. In history Christians have often been found in the minority, and those men who have had the strength to stand alone have been the men who have influenced history and made the world a better place to live in. There is nothing wrong with your Christian life if you will just give it a chance to grow. But many a rose has withered and died in a weed patch. It takes some doing to develop Christian character, but it's worth it.
Daniel stood alone in Babylon . . . Joseph stood alone in Egypt. You may have to stand alone, but you won't be alone . . . Christ will be with you.
My parents make me go to Sunday school, but they don't go themselves. To make it worse, the Sunday school teacher is never prepared and just reads out of the quarterly. Are my parents right in making me go?
No, your parents are not right, and neither is the Sunday school teacher. Too long, parents have just sent children to Sunday school, when they should go with them. Too long Sunday school teachers have read from the quarterly.
I am sure that you can see the problem clearer than your parents can. Why don't you begin to urge them to go with you. They must know that it is a good thing to do. Then they will see how poorly some Sunday schools are run, and they may do something to correct it.
Above all, don't blame God or Christianity for what some people do. Think of Sunday school as it should be, and the Lord may even use you to bring about a change. Pray for His help, and don't be discouraged. The great prophet, Samuel, was only a child when God spoke to Israel through him (I Samuel 3:1). Let God use you rather than letting the devil tempt you to failure and defeat.
I am a teen-age high-schooler. I just learned that I am the child of unmarried parents, and I am almost desperate with grief. I wish I were dead. Do you think it's such a terrible thing for me to be such a child?
It is a very unhappy thing for you to know that your parents are such people. They have not given you the start you should have. But you should not feel so terribly about it. The wrong was theirs and not yours. God will never hold such a thing against you, and you don't need to tell people about it.
One of the miracles about becoming a Christian is that no part of our past is held against us. God not only forgives the sins of our lives, but He completely forgets every one of them. When He accepts you into the family, He makes a new person out of you, and none of the things that now seem so important are carried over. All God wants from you now is your complete reliance upon the merit of His son to save you, and your utter abandonment to His will. The change is as complete as if you had died and then been raised again. That is what the Bible means when it says: "We were buried therefore with Him by Baptism into death: that like as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of God the father, so we also might walk in newness of life" (Romans 6:4).
In our high school, there is a girl who follows me and calls me all sweet names. My parents say I should be nice to her because I am a Christian, but when I am nice to her, she just clings to me. Can you suggest a course of action for me as a Christian?
This girl friend of yours appears to have some symptoms of sexual abnormality. She can be dangerous if encouraged too much, and therefore your problem is a difficult one. If you know what her problem is, you can be on guard against undue familiarity. At the same time, you may be able to help her.
Many times, Christians make the mistake of thinking that they cannot help people spiritually unless they become intimate in their conversation and very confidential. That is not our calling as witnesses. Be careful in all your dealings with her to be very frank and open in your witness, but do not commit yourself to her under any conditions. Be careful not to win her to yourself and fail to win her to Christ. He can help her, but you cannot. The Bible says: "He that winneth souls is wise, not just wise because he wins them but he wins them because he is wise" (Proverbs 11:30).
My mother has forbidden me to indulge in petting when I go out with boys. All the kids do it, and don't you think she is just old-fashioned?
Petting is one of the major problems for the teen-ager today. Because it is so generally done, I am not surprised that a Christian young person should wonder about it. One time Jesus said that "Because iniquity shall abound, the love of many shall become cold." We become so accustomed to wrong practices, and growing used to it makes it seem less of an evil. You could have asked any competent doctor or physiologist and they would have told you that petting is the preliminary act to the sex relation. To excite oneself when satisfaction is neither safe nor right is harmful to your constitution and to your mental life as well. It is known that there are times when young persons are unable to control themselves once excited. If those who counsel this way do so from the physiological and psychological point of view, I am sure that the Christian young person would not want to jeopardize his spiritual victory and his effective witness for a brief moment of unsatisfactory excitement.
I have committed a horrible sin and I want to know if it means that I must go to hell. I am only fifteen years old but have committed adultery with a married man. Is it possible for God to forgive me when I really don't repent of my sins?
The Bible clearly teaches that before we receive forgiveness from our sins, there must be sincere repentance. The sin you have committed is a very serious one, because you have entered into a relationship that is one of the most sacred of all relationships in life.
Many times adultery is condemned in the Bible, and this is the Christian standard. Under the law of Moses its punishment was death (Leviticus 20:10), (Deuteronomy 22:22-24). As serious as this sin may be, God can forgive it. Read John 8:3-11, but do not forget that without repentance, there is no hope of forgiveness. Repentance will mean more than sorrow for sin. It will mean that with God's help you renounce it once and for all.
I am the oldest child in our family. I have to do most of the work, and Dad and Mother just spoil the other kids. I can't help feeling resentful and mean. Can you help me in any way to understand this problem?
Being the oldest child naturally imposes a responsibility upon you. You will find in life that as we grow older we must shoulder greater responsibility. This is all part of growing up.
You say you can't help feeling resentful and mean. With this I can't agree. Resentment grows with practice just like patience grows with practice. It takes effort to develop bad character, just as it takes effort to develop good character.
Accept your lot in life like a man. Throw your shoulders back and say, "I will do my work, even if the other children don't." And above all, take God as a partner in life. Christ has a way of making burdens which seem unbearable, light. "Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me," He said, "for my yoke is easy and my burden is light."
I was recently elected to be president of my class in high school. Many of the traditional activities, I cannot take part in as a Christian. Do you think it wise for me to resign or continue in office?
You will have to make your own decisions all through life concerning doubtful practices. The office itself does not entail an activity you disapprove. It does put you in a place where you can bear a most effective witness to Christ. You are never responsible for activities the rest call for, for you have been chosen to preside and guide but not to require them to do certain things. As long as you are able, take a clear position without compromise, let the office be a vantage point from which to proclaim the gospel method with tact and force. Jesus said that the apostles should be "wise as serpents and harmless as doves." Do your work well and gain the admiration and respect of your class, and they in turn will accept your Christian influence. As the "salt of the earth" we must go everywhere with the message of Christ.
I am a young girl who is very mixed up. I don't know if I'm a Christian or not. You see, my mother is one of the leaders in the church and father is on the board. But here at home they quarrel all the time. They sometimes don't stop until I cry. Are they Christians?
It would be better, of course, if I could hear your mother's and father's side of the story. Teen-agers are often great idealists, and they sometimes interpret any little family discussion as "quarreling." But let us assume that your mother and father do quarrel, as you say they do. This, of course, would be very distressing to you, and might cause you to question your mother's and father's religious sincerity.
But as you grow older you will find that sometimes otherwise good people have dispositional weaknesses, and that little personality clashes are part and parcel of life. As an idealist, you have a golden opportunity of helping your parents. The Bible says: "And a little child may lead them." Since your parents stop their bickering when you cry, this shows that they respect you and your convictions. I think that you could quietly discuss this matter with them, and as you prayerfully work together on this problem, I feel sure that conditions in the home can be improved. Children are often the cause of parental disagreements. Just make sure that you don't contribute to the situation by selfish attitudes. The Bible says: "Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory: but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than themselves."
Do you think it is right for parents to try to force their children to accept their religion? My father and mother always say that if it's good enough for my parents it's good enough for me.
Your parents might be right providing they have embraced the truth in their religion, but if they have not, then their religion is not good enough for them or for you. In fact, religion can never be forced upon anyone. The very nature of true religion is that it is voluntary. Every person must make his own free choice when all the information is in possession. Christianity is promoted by instruction and example. Truths must be understood and to be understood they must be embodied in persons who believe.
But give your parents the benefit of the doubt. They may be nothing more than overly zealous, and in their zeal to have you discover the truth, they may use the wrong method. Perhaps you have had opportunities they never had, so give their views prayerful consideration; compare them with the teaching of the Bible, and then you will be in a position to decide such questions on your own with the help of God. "As many as received Him, to them gave He the right to become the children of God, even to those that believed on His name."
I live in a fraternity house and am a Christian. There are some things going on which I would very much like to change. How can I accomplish this? I feel so much alone.
Turn to your Bible and read the wonderful stories of men who were alone in godless surroundings but who, by the help and presence of the living God made a marvelous contribution to their own times. Joseph was surrounded by sin and intrigue in Egypt. His master's wife tried to seduce him. He was tested by imprisonment, but through it all he trusted in God and sought to know and do His will, and he stands today as a wonderful example of the keeping and strengthening power of God in the heart of a man who believed in him.
Daniel and his companions were tempted to forsake their godly heritage, but they refused. They even faced a fiery furnace rather than compromise. God honored their faith and mightily used them. Moses was surrounded by the luxury and godlessness of the Egyptian court but cast in his lot with his own people. Lot lived in Sodom and saw the obscenities of that doomed city. God saved him out of it because he trusted in Him. Every one of our Lord's apostles sealed their faith with their lives. Since then history has been replete with the lives of men who have put God and His way of life above all else. I do not know the particular problems which you face in your fraternity house but I would urge you to pray daily that God will give you the love, patience, wisdom, and Christian grace to witness for Him and to live as a Christian should live. There is tremendous power in the influence of one man completely devoted to knowing and doing God's will.
I have been raised in an atmosphere where social drinking has been taken as a matter of course. My daughter is showing signs of becoming addicted to liquor. What is the Christian solution?
I am sorry for you and am thankful that you are "desperately worried." Your problem is being reflected in thousands of American homes today. Alcoholism is increasing by leaps and bounds. It is now being considered as a disease and the emphasis to be on teaching people how to drink in moderation. As I see it, under present conditions, there is but one safe and Christian solution — total abstinence. Liquor is not necessary either for health or for so-called gracious living. On the other hand, it is the cause of untold sorrow, suffering and material loss, not to mention the spiritual implications of drinking. In the Bible, in the Book of Proverbs, we read these words: "Wine is a mocker, strong drink a brawler: and whosoever is deceived thereby is not wise." These words were written nearly three thousand years ago but they are true today. In America it seems to be a peculiar problem — Americans seem unusually lacking in judgment or restraint about liquor. During the war, one of our leading officials said that the gravest danger to America centered in the cocktail lounges in Washington. Liquor loosens tongues and removes inhibitions and can do infinite harm. As to your daughter, ask God to help her and set out on a program immediately whereby you try to undo the harm already done and lead her to Christ who will give her the victory over her desire.
I am the child of separated parents. I would like to live with my mother who is a Christian, but the courts have ruled that I must live with my father. I don't like to live with him, but what can I do?
Legally, until you have reached the age of responsibility you must abide by the ruling of the court. Every broken home situation is an unhappy one, and especially trying for the children. This situation is not an easy one for you. Many young people become rebellious and defiant to make up for their unhappiness. This will accomplish nothing for you.
When you have no alternative, it is always best to accept graciously whatever your lot may be. Do not make your father and yourself miserable over the decision of the court. In fact, this may be God's way of bringing your own father to the Saviour. Love him as your father, and witness to him as one who needs Christ. Even though he is not a believer, you still have the Bible admonition to honor him as your earthly father.
Above all, learn to be contented with the things that you have, for the Bible says: "Be content with such things as ye have, for he himself hath said, I will in no wise fail thee, neither will I in any wise forsake thee" (Hebrews 13:5).
I am only a young fellow, but my faith in Jesus is very real. Neither my father nor mother are Christians, and they won't let me go to the church I like. They would rather have me stay home than go there. Sometimes I sneak out, but then it bothers me. Should I sneak out anyhow to hear God's Word preached?
Your parents are unreasonable, for they are refusing to permit you to do the one thing that will make you become a son they can be justly proud of. Their eyes are blinded by Satan, and they cannot see their big mistake. The Bible says that "And even if our gospel is hid, it is hid to them that are lost: in whom the God of this world hath blinded the minds of them which believe not" (II Corinthians 4:3-4). Don't become discouraged and irritated over this. Your parents need your prayers and example. Sometimes parents can lead their children to Christ, but many times children have brought their own parents to the Saviour.
In answer to your question, I would say: go every chance you have to hear the gospel, listen to it on the radio, read your Bible and some good Christian literature. But in the home be an example of a Christian by being obedient, even when they are unreasonable.
