Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Don't Hate the Sin so Hard that the Person Feels Your Hatred
My high school graduating class had nearly 500 seniors. We were all lined up in neat little rows of folding chairs on the football field wearing purple robes, brown shoes and mortar boards with golden tassels. From the stands, where the observers were, it would have been very difficult to pick anyone out; we all looked the same. However, according to the most reliable studies, 10 probably considered themselves to be gay -- about 2%.
Some pro-homosexual researchers put the figure more at about 10%, or 50 of my fellow graduates, but those studies are not considered reliable and not cited as often as the 2%. Looking back, I remember a couple of guys everyone pointed fingers at, but the other eight must have been pretty solidly undercover . . . and if there were 50, they were clearly doing the denial dance really well. The closet doors were firmly shut in those days, at least until you went off to college, probably far from home.
While I can't base this on anything supportable, my anecdotal knowledge leads me to believe that none of my fellow graduates lived in same-sex marriage homes. No two mommies or two daddies that I knew of. It was the '70s and it was Texas . . . someone would have found out and that couple would have been outed . . . clear out of town.
Times have changed.
According to a new study by Dr. Trayce L. Hansen, a licensed psychologist in San Diego, the legalizing of same-sex marriage is definitely increasing the prevalence of homosexuality among our nation's young people. And it's not genetic. It's parental preference.
Take the same high school graduating class and put it in, say, 2021, giving some of the same-sex marriage-raised children a chance to grow up, and there might be as many as 105 gay and lesbian students in the graduating class -- up to 21%. Children of homosexuals have a 4 to 10 times greater likelihood of developing a sexual preference for the same sex.
Dr. Hansen makes the obvious point that same-sex marriages themselves are disproving the long-held but repeatedly unsubstantiated claim from the gay community that homosexuality is genetic. Her findings show what should come as no surprise: homosexual parents are more likely to raise homosexual children. As one pro-homosexual advocate proclaimed, "Of course our children are going to be different."
Again, times are changing.
Many of the children in homes with homosexual parents were first raised in a heterosexual-parent home. In other words, for a period of time, neither parent was openly homosexual, but one or the other "came-out" and the parents divorced and the child was then raised in part by a homosexual parent, perhaps with the new influence of the parent's "partner." Researchers believe the number of homosexually-oriented children will grow even greater now that many states allow homosexual couples to provide foster care and adopt children.
Children most generally want to grow up to be like Dad or Mom. Sometimes the opposite is true, even in heterosexual homes, and family issues can lead to gender confusion. Complications, including sexual abuse or abandonment by one parent or the other, confuses the sexual development process. It certainly did with me.
I'm pretty clear on the fact that neither of my parents had any homosexual tendencies at all. My father died young; my mother would set me straight in a heartbeat if I insinuated such about her. She has a great heart of forgiveness and a clear understanding of the need to love and support, but she believes as I do that God does not create his children as homosexuals and then sit back and watch them muddle through life bearing a pre-determined sin. Sin is painted on with the brush of the fallen world and painted over by the brush of the Risen Lord. God creates the canvass and we are pure and clean when we start our journeys.
I don't blame gays for claiming genetics as a cause. It sounds better than "the devil made me do it." It is easier to accept something about yourself if you believe it was pre-conditioned and you had no choice. But, temptations are not genetic. Decision making is not genetic. The Bible clearly says we'll be tempted, though not beyond what we are able to resist in Christ. The Bible also says homosexuality is a sin. If we are tempted to sin, we have to reach out for the power of the Holy Spirit to resist.
But, what if Mommy and Daddy taught us from the crib that homosexuality is not only normal, but perhaps preferable? The teaching and role-modeling, not the genetics, will predispose a greater number of children to "become gay." Studies have shown that children raised by parents that drink, or smoke, or abuse their spouse, often grow up drinking, smoking and abusing. Parents are still the greatest influence.
Sadly, though many "gay" people have found ways to adjust to their lifestyles and report a level of happiness . . . most of them bear the scars of the struggle from years of resistance and a refusal to accept themselves. Many still feel the stings of condemnation and the words of rejection resonate in their minds. These memories motivate them to "help" their children accept themselves earlier and avoid the confusing and hurtful period of denial. They want their children to feel loved.
I had a friend in junior high whose father was the minister of our small church. So focused was the father on raising Godly sons that he named them John, Mark, Luke, Paul and Phillip. John was the oldest and later changed his name to Jon, not so much out of rebellion as in a search for independence. Following high school, Jon went off to Bible College as his dad had always hoped he would, though there were issues in his life with which he had not dealt and which he believed made him unfit for the ministry at that time. It was not his calling and he surprised his parents by leaving school mid-semester and joining the Navy. His father's heart was broken and a great chasm developed between the two that would not heal.
Jon, home on one of his his first leaves from the Navy, drove his car into a concrete pillar under a bridge on the Interstate. No skid marks, no evidence of alcohol. No declaration of suicide; just an accident. If I recall correctly, he was not yet 20.
Why is this story relevant? Because Jon's heart was crying out for someone -- and especially the one who had named him -- to listen and help him navigate through the traps and snares of life. But the parent was telling Jon what he believed God wanted for Jon. Jon needed someone to hear him first -- hear his heart -- instead of someone saying "now you hear me."
Christians, and especially Christians who have struggled with same-sex attraction and survived, have a responsibility to be the listeners so those who struggle can unload their confusion and uncertainty. We need to be ready to show them God's love and God's direction . . . and we need to walk with them through the ups-and-downs. We need to demonstrate the fruits of patience and kindness. And we need to be learn better now how to do all of these things because the "mission field," is growing.
Times are changing.
Those perhaps 10 "gay" persons in my high school class may or may not have come to terms with their sexual issues. If we, as Christians, do not present the truth and learn to do so in love, the 105 in the class of 2021 won't stand a chance of finding freedom from their sexual brokenness. Do we counter the love of their misguided parents with condemnation and rejection . . . or do we prove the Word's claim that they will know we are Christians by our love? Let's not widen the chasm.
Think about it. If you don't struggle with sexual brokenness, it may very well be that as you grew you encountered only the right kind of love at just the right times. That itself is a testament to the overwhelming power of love as a mighty instrument in the hands of a Christian determined to do God's will.
We can do that. We can love. Love the person, regardless of the sin. Don't "hate the sin" so hard that the person feels your hatred. Love the person. Give him a reason to learn to hate his own sin.
God Bless,
Thom
http://thom-signsofastruggle.blogspot.com/
http://thom-signsofastruggle.blogspot.com/
