Q and A is your opportunity to ask questions regarding the Bible, church, or just about anything regarding Christian faith and life. Submit questions on the response form in your bulletin or E-mail the Church Office. Yes to both questions – with some clarification… Typically, when parents ask this question, it is motivated by uncertainty as to how to handle discipline in particular. As a general rule, when it comes to discipline, each parent should take the lead when dealing with their own biological child. The primary reason for this is that any effective discipline must be anchored in relationship; otherwise, the goal of teaching will be greatly hindered. However, this is not at all to suggest that a stepparent is not involved in the process. Good communication between both parents, with an agreed upon and consistently followed plan, is what makes all the difference! Something else to consider, is the age of the child. When kids are still very young, it is usually much easier to establish relationship and a place of authority in their lives. If the kids are older, it’s going to take time for the stepparent to build that relationship, and thus, credibility with those kids. Be joyful; be patient; be tough (not harsh); don’t take their behavior personally; and persevere! It is also important for each biological parent to transfer authority to the other parent in the presence of the child. I recommend that this be done in a Family Meeting. This, by the way, isn’t all that unusual. Parents already do this (whether they realize it or not), more or less intentionally every time they introduce their child to a new teacher, coach, or someone else who will occupy a place of authority in their lives. If the child resists by saying something like, “You’re not my mom!” a stepmother may wisely and calmly respond in the following way: “I realize that I’m not your mother, and I will never try to take her very special place in your life. However, I am the “mom” of this home, which means that I have a responsibility to care for the needs of each person who lives here. It also means that I have a position of authority which I will not abuse, and which you must respect. If you choose to disobey me, you are disobeying your father, and thus, choosing a consequence.” Jon Sanné is a Presenter for the National Center for Biblical Parenting, and the Family Life Pastor at Calvary Chapel in Olympia, WA, where he has served for the past 16 years. He believes that the family is God’s training ground for both parents and children as they learn and grow together in everyday life. Although there is no such thing as a perfect parent, Jon will share how you can be asuccessful one! Blended Family: Should both parents parent all children or should each parent deal with their own biological child?
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Friday, January 14, 2011
RelationshipsQ&A: "Blended Family: Should both parents parent all children or should each parent deal with their own biological child?"
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