MyAnswer: Billy Graham "How to Make Wrong Things Right"

 

How to Make Wrong Things Right

My husband and I are Christian people, and have tried to have a home that would please the Lord. We have some relatives who come to visit once in a while, and when they come they practice some of their bad habits that trouble us greatly. We would hate to have some of our friends find them in our house. Do you think it would be right to invite them to leave or to inform them of our regulations?

In the many times they have visited, have you tried definitely to help them spiritually? Perhaps they come to you in the hope that they will receive some spiritual help. Perhaps they are ignorant of your standards, or at least perhaps they do not know why you have standards at all. Your house might become a vacuum if you just abstain from things you consider to be bad. Make it a positive thing in which there is a spiritual influence brought to bear upon all who visit you. Prayer over the meals, a discussion of the Bible without argument, a rehearsal of the goodness of God in your lives would be most appropriate. You can attempt to be so tactful that you fail to make a contact. Remember that even Jesus ate with sinners, but He always met them on His conditions, and He never lowered His standards. I do not recall that He was ever ashamed of being found in their company, for He lifted people but never was lowered by them.

I have caused a former friend much suffering through financial losses and terrible injustices I have committed for my own financial gain. What can I do to be forgiven for my awful crime?

Your question projects a dark picture, but the fact that you realize you have done wrong shows there is hope. The Bible gives a precise formula for people in your plight: "If thou bring thy gift to the altar, and there rememberest that thy brother hath ought against thee; leave thy gift before the altar, first be reconciled to thy brother, and then come and offer thy gift."

   Go to the person you have wronged. In humility ask him to forgive you. Then assure him that you will repay all that you owe him in due time. Then, and only then, will you be prepared to give your life to God. Too many people try to climb into the kingdom of God over the accumulated debris of an ugly and sinful past. God can forgive the sins of the heart, but wrongs done against others must be made right if we are to have peace with God.

   When Zacheus, the crooked tax-collector, came face to face with Christ and his own wickedness he said: "If I have wronged any man, I will restore him fourfold." When he said that, Jesus said: "Today I will abide at thy house." Christ comes to live with every man who sincerely vows to straighten out his life in the way God requires.

Some time ago I served as the treasurer of the church. From time to time I took small sums of money, intending to repay it as soon as possible. Now another man has been elected to the office and I am ashamed to tell him what I did, but I must repay the amount to balance the record. Can you help me with a suggestion?

You must clear your conscience and keep the record straight. You cannot have peace until you do so. I would suggest that you take into your confidence the pastor of the church. Your problem is certainly one that has some spiritual implications, and you can be sure that he will not betray your confidence.

   There is no question about what must be done. It is merely a matter of procedure, and it would be the proper procedure to confide in your pastor. He will be the kind of person you need to include in such a problem. In fact, he has much at stake in every such problem. The Bible tells us that we should submit to them who have such responsibility "As they must give account, that they may do it with joy, and not grief: for that is unprofitable for you" (Hebrews 13:17).

Some years ago my sister and I had a fuss over the division of our mother's property and we have not visited each other or spoken since. I still believe I was right but I am truly unhappy about it.

It is probable that your sister is just as unhappy about this as you are and that she also thinks she was right. It is my guess that you both were wrong and that you have been acting like spoiled children, rather than as adults. Could any possible division of your mother's things in your favor have made all of this unhappiness worthwhile? Can you take one single thing with you when you die? The thing for you to do is phone, write, or go to see your sister and ask her forgiveness. You may be rebuffed but my guess is that she will welcome you with open arms. I would also go right to the root of your trouble and offer to make any adjustment which she may desire. If you do this in true love I believe you both will find a new joy and peace in your lives. Incidentally, family rows like you describe take all of the joy out of life. Take the first step and make amends for what has happened. It may seem hard at first but I believe it will bring you great happiness.

Some time ago I cheated in an examination in college. The rule of the college is that we lose credit for any course in which we cheat. Now it bothers my conscience, but if I report my action, I am in danger of losing my degree from the college. Would it be right for me to just let this matter alone, and perhaps I can eventually overcome my troubled conscience?

God gave each one of us a conscience for a reason. An enlightened conscience is our best guide. But if you stifle it and refuse to listen to it, you will soon render it ineffective. You are in danger of destroying its voice. You know that your action was wrong. There is only one way to clear up the matter. It would be much better to take that course over again at some convenient time than to disobey the voice of your conscience. I cannot tell what the college authorities will do about it. You must do whatever is right no matter what the consequences may be. I am sure that the knowledge that you have acted in the light God has given you will more than repay whatever you stand to lose through such action.

Some months ago I passed on a bit of innocent gossip about a person who is truly my friend. I did not mean any harm but recently this has become the basis of a scandal, and I feel guilty and sorry. What can I do to make amends?

Gossip, even about incidents that seem very minor, is a serious sin. We can never recover our words and they always grow and become distorted. There is a game sometimes played where people pass on some remark to the next person in line, and doing so in a whisper, by the time the story reaches the end of the line it is very different. This illustrates what happens when we gossip. It is like taking a bag of feathers and dropping one one at a time while walking down the road. We can never walk back and pick up all of the feathers. In your case the Christian thing to do is go to your friend and confess what you have done, ask for forgiveness and then do all that you possibly can to tell others and right the wrong. The Bible says: "A tale-bearer revealeth secrets; but he that is of a faithful spirit concealeth a matter." In this, as in all other matters, the Bible gives us wisdom for daily living. Try telling others some of the good things you know of individuals, you will be surprised how happy it will make you, and all concerned.

For some time I have been stealing small amounts of money from the company that employs me. Now that I have come to know Christ, I feel that I must do something about this. I'm afraid to tell my employer lest I lose my position, yet I cannot live with my conscience troubling me as it now does. What would you suggest?

I think you will find that every employer will respect you for making an honest confession. Even though your life up until this time has been one of deception, yet the confession will convince him more than ever that something has taken place in your life and I feel that he will come to regard you as one of the most dependable workers he has. Even more important than clearing your own conscience, it is the thing you should do in order to give you the best possible opportunity to tell what God can do in the life of one who turns to Him. Having done what is pleasing to God, you can always leave the results to Him. We will pray that you will have courage to do what you know is the right thing.

Some time ago I drove a car for a gang which robbed a filling station. Since then I have become a Christian and my conscience hurts me. What should I do?

In the eyes of the law you were an accomplice in a crime. In God's eyes you were just as guilty as those who did the actual robbing. My advice to you is to go to see the judge in the place where this robbery took place and tell him the whole story. Explain the difficulty you have in involving other people in a crime. Tell him you have become a Christian and want to do the right thing, taking any punishment which you should take. Ask his advice and take that advice. It would probably be wise for you to talk this over with your pastor first and, if he is willing, take him with you to talk to the judge. This is a hard decision and it may mean that you will have to suffer for it, but it will bring peace to your soul and enable you to witness for the Saviour you have put your trust in. I have a friend who had much the same experience you have had and he made a full confession. The result is that God is using him in a very wonderful way today.

I have been in prison for four years for robbery. Since coming here I have been converted. But I did not commit the robbery for which I was convicted and I do not know who did it. However, I was guilty of another robbery about which they know nothing. What shall I do when I get out next year?

As a Christian you owe it to the authorities to confess the previous robbery and ask for mercy. Then you owe it to the one or ones whom you robbed to repay that which you stole. This may take a lot of hard work but it is the right thing to do and you will get great satisfaction in doing it. The outlook of a Christian must be different from other people and we have to learn to take things which come to us as Christ would have us do. In making confession to the authorities and restitution to the ones you have wronged you can glorify God and at the same time He may use your actions to win someone else to Him.

My wife and I were never legally married. She is what I think you would call a "common law wife." After living in this country for a number of years our friends have told us that we are living in adultery and not truly married at all. What is your judgment in this matter?

In our social system in the United States, we have come to consider marriage as being legal and binding only when it is performed by a person who is really authorized to perform such a service, either a minister or a justice of the peace. There are many foreign countries where this is not the case. Certainly, the many people who have been married according to the customs of other countries cannot be considered to be living in adultery. Marriage is a spiritual thing before it is a physical and legal matter. It is the agreement of hearts and minds to come together under God for a lifetime relationship. You have been faithful to each other through the many years that you have lived together and God has blessed your relationship with fine children. I would certainly not advocate a return to common law marriages, but we know too well that there are many marriages that are legally correct and yet there is no love existing and there is much unfaithfulness. It is only God who in the final analysis can unite a man and woman in marriage together.

   I would, however, urge you to get legally married, immediately. Make it a time of dedication to each other and God.

I understand that the Bible tells us to forgive our enemies many times. Although I have tried to forgive a certain person for a wrong done deliberately, I simply cannot. I have no other enemies. Do you think God will judge me for having just this one person that I cannot forgive?

Forgiveness is natural for the Christian and is contrary to the non-Christian. Even the non-Christian has friends and loved ones, but he loves them because they love him in return. Here is the distinctiveness of the Christian life. Jesus said: "Love your enemies, do good to those that despitefully use you," and on another occasion He said that they should forgive until seventy times seven. God can and will give you a forgiving spirit when you accept His forgiveness through Jesus Christ. When you do, you will realize that He has forgiven you so much that you will desire to forgive any wrong. In the world, a policy of getting even with the other fellow is generally accepted. Among Christians, it is the policy of enduring wrong for the sake of Christ and forgiving that men might through us discover the grace of God in forgiving the sinner.

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